The Ability to Establish Boundaries Comes to Your Self Worth

The Ability to Establish Boundaries Comes to Your Self Worth

Do you struggle to ask for what you need and say no to people without feeling guilty? Then tune into this episode to learn how your ability to say no directly relates to your self-worth.

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Your Ability to Maintain Boundaries is Tied to Self-Worth and Self-Love

  • If you don’t feel that you deserve time to yourself it can be hard to say no
  • If you don’t fear that the only way to get love is by doing things for people it’s hard to say no
  • Really people who don’t like when boundaries are put up is because they were getting something out of you not having boundaries — people with healthy boundaries will understand and encourage you to do the same

Finding Out What Thoughts Are Underneath When You Have Trouble Saying No

  • Question
    • Do you feel like it will change the relationship?
    • What do you fear will happen? — that they will be angry or not talk to you?
    • What do you feel it means about you if they react negatively? — that you’re a bad person?

You Were Born Worthy — We All Aere

  • Go through each of your answers and really question them — is this really true? 
  • If someone will only love you because you do something for them is that really love?
Well until next time my friends,

 

Remember …. It’s about loving yourself where you are so that you can get to where you want to go…one step at a time, one change at a time.

 

Gratitude & Hugs

 

Jenn Berkelmans

Jenn Berkelmans

Body Awareness & Wellness Coach

I help women with sensitive souls who struggle with overwhelm & emotional fatigue. I help them to reconnect to their inner wisdom and find the stillness within that will allow them to thrive in this chaotic and loud world while helping them to create their own map to health and wellness.

Why HSPs Become Overwhelmed So Easily

Why HSPs Become Overwhelmed So Easily

Are you an HSP? Have you noticed that you seem to be stressed and overwhelmed more than the non-HSPs in your life? In this video I go over why that is and what you can do about it.

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We Notice Details That Other People Tend to Miss

  • Our senses in general are more sensitive
    • Smells – perfumes, smelly environments
    • Noises – busy environments, concerts, malls, busy places
    • Eyes – lights/signs
  • It’s the subtlties that other people tend to miss
    • People & emotions — non-verbal cues and mood
    • Books & movies — subtle themes and connections
    • Our brains take in more information than other peoples
  • Subtleties + added stimulus means we reach overwhelm quicker than other people
  • If we are already stressed — we are more prone to being overwhelmed by simulus

We Process Things Deeply

  • The insula — the part of the brain that integrates moment to moment knowledge of our inner experience and emotions, body position and external experiences — is more activated in HSPs
  • All of the details that we take in — our brain processes them to a deeper degree and makes connections 
  • We relate information that we take in and compare it to past experience and similar things — it helps us to remember things easier because of the connections we can make

What Does This All Mean?

  • Having the awareness and understanding of how our brain works in comparison to non-HSPs is importat because it means that in certain circumstances and during certain parts of our life we may be prone to more overwhelm
  • Planning self-care and white space during busy times
  • Having self-care tools in place for busy events and knowing your limits
  • Daily self-care practices in place to help reduce the noise that we experience everywhere else 
    • Calm home environment
    • Meditation
    • Sleep
    • nature/quiet time
Well until next time my friends,

 

Remember …. It’s about loving yourself where you are so that you can get to where you want to go…one step at a time, one change at a time.

 

Gratitude & Hugs

 

Jenn Berkelmans

Jenn Berkelmans

Body Awareness & Wellness Coach

I help women with sensitive souls who struggle with overwhelm & emotional fatigue. I help them to reconnect to their inner wisdom and find the stillness within that will allow them to thrive in this chaotic and loud world while helping them to create their own map to health and wellness.

The Positivity Movement Is Harmful To Connection

The Positivity Movement Is Harmful To Connection

With the self-development and personal growth niche has come a positivity movement. While there is importance and merit to changing our thoughts and raising our vibration. I believe the positivity movement ends up being another band aid solution to a bigger problem. Press play to hear more….

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I think that positivity can be harmful to connection, to ourselves, and to others. Let me explain…..

We are a nation of that suffers from extreme avoidance of uncomfortable feelings and emotions and to the detriment of our health, our connection to other humans and our ability to simply enjoy life. We avoid feeling our uncomfortable and “negative” emotions at any cost. We’d much rather ignore it, push it away or numb it with food, sex, alcohol, drugs or tv. 

So how does the positivity movement play into that?

Well when someone is feeling anger or sadness and then are told or believe that they should just change their thoughts, meaning spin what they are thinking into a positive they are bypassing feeling that emotion. 

An Example

An example… A friend of mine was talking to me on the phone and explaining what was going on in her life. She was feeling burnt out, exhausted and hanging on by a thread and for good reason. She has gone through a lot of shit. She explained what was going on and apologized for not being more “positive.” 

I asked her “why do you say that? It’s perfectly reasonable to be feeling the way that you are feeling. It’s important to talk about how you’re feeling and to talk when you feel that you’re struggling with someone who can understand. And I don’t expect you to be positive and uplifting all the time.”

She then went on to explain how she had tried to talk to another friend. This friend while well meaning had tried to tell her to “just be positive and find the good out of it all.”

I explained that when we are going through something challenging it is very important to give ourselves the space to feel what we are feeling. It’s okay to be angry, or sad, or frustrated, or annoyed, or apathetic. All of it is okay. Talking can help with that. Now if we keep staying in that space and repeating the same story over and over — we can get stuck. But even that is okay. 

Finding the positivity of our experience is very important, BUT and this is a huge BUT, it comes after we’ve had time to process and feel our emotions around an experience. 

To tell someone when they are in struggle…..

At least you’re not experiencing ….

At least you have this…..

At least you can say this……

At least you get time for….

Is often not helpful because in doing so you are bypassing their emotional struggle and trying to change how they are feeling. When someone comes to us and they are in struggle — more often than not they do not want you to “fix” them or to “change” things for them or even to “make it all better.” 

This applies to how we approach emotion in ourselves too. If we are experiencing something challenging and we automatically say “at least you have a house and your not dead,” while it might be true, we aren’t validating our own struggle. Instead, we’re pushing it aside and our emotions down with it. 

I’m guilty of this too. But the reasons why I think it’s important to draw our attention to it is because it’s not a true empathetic response. Not for other people and not for ourselves. 

Empathetic Communication

What most people need is someone to fully listen to them, for you to give them their full attention, to receive it with non-judgement, and to be empathetic.

Now people often misunderstand or don’t understand what being empathetic means and how to communicate empathetically rather than with sympathy. The two are very different. 

Brene Brown has a wonderful video around this subject that really helps to highlight the difference between the two and how one, empathy can fuel connection and the other, sympathy creates disconnection. 

She goes on to explain 4 key pieces to empathetic communication. 

  1. Being able to have perspective and being open to putting yourself in another persons shoes.
  2. Leave the judgement behind. Listen fully and give someone your full attention.
  3. Notice the emotion(s) that are coming up for the other person and times when you’ve felt that for yourself
  4. Communicating that you recognize the emotion and understand what that feels like

In empathy, we say “hey, I see you and I understand what you’re going through, it sucks, and I’m here for you.” 

In sympathy, we say “oh man yeah that situation really sucks. Poor you.” 

In order to be empathetic with someone you need to allow yourself to be uncomfortable too, to remember what that feeling feels like. It’s a choice and one that takes courage and vulnerability. 

Vulnerability creates connection and intimacy. When we try to twist someone’s experience into a positive we are not being empathetic. It takes no effort, Vulnerability or compassion in order to “be positive.” Instead its a quick way to disconnect and really just make ourselves feel better, like we’ve done something to “help” them. 

Is this easy. No. But if we want to establish true connection and deep intimacy in our relationships it’s necessary. And really it takes a very grounded individual to put their ego away for a moment and their need to help aside in order to really listen to someone and give them their full attention. To open their heart, and ears and to give this person their attention, understanding and support. Through holding the space not through trying to fix things. 

Because I know personally, I don’t need my friends to fix me but I sure as hell need an understanding and non-judgemental ear, a person who can allow themselves to be open enough to empathize when I’m in the trenches working through difficult emotions and for them to go down with me and say “I’m here with you friend.”

For Myself

This is also how I’ve approached my own “positivity spin band-aid”, I too used to try to spin everything into a positive thing and you know what, it didn’t work. There is a difference between trying to cover discomfort with a fake smile and positive affirmation and allowing myself the space and love to feel everything and raising my vibration and letting go of old patterns. 

Now I let myself feel what I’m feeling, everything from the anger, judgement, frustration, jealousy, resentment, blame, etc. I let it all come into my experience and be there. I know that just because I feel it DOESN’T mean that I HAVE to act on it. 

I let myself feel knowing that it doesn’t change who I am as a human being. I deserve empathy from others and most importantly from myself. I know that every experience has merit and has a potential lesson for me to learn. But that lesson is NOT punitive, and often the clarity of that may not come until well AFTER I let myself feel and process.  I don’t deserve to have to push my emotions, feelings or experience aside because each and every thing that I feel is valid and the same goes for you.

Well until next time my friends,

 

Remember …. It’s about loving yourself where you are so that you can get to where you want to go…one step at a time, one change at a time.

 

Gratitude & Hugs

 

Jenn Berkelmans

Jenn Berkelmans

Body Awareness & Wellness Coach

I help women with sensitive souls who struggle with overwhelm & emotional fatigue. I help them to reconnect to their inner wisdom and find the stillness within that will allow them to thrive in this chaotic and loud world while helping them to create their own map to health and wellness.

The Difference Between Feeling and Reacting to Emotion

The Difference Between Feeling and Reacting to Emotion

People often mistake reacting to emotion with feeling emotion and the reality is that they are two very different and separate things. Tune in to learn more. 

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Reacting In Emotion

  • We associate an emotion as bad or wrong through conditioning and we Ignoring & Pushing Away leads to a pressure cooker situation
  • We form patterns in our emotion — when someone says something specific or does something we may automatically react to it in a certain way
  • Because of reacting to emotion — we view the emotion as bad — leading to the same cycles

Feeling In Emotion

  • Means we can recognize the emotion that we are feeling without REACTING — instead we can explain what we are feeling and why or if not necessary not respond at all

Develop The Skill

  • Developing the skill
    • Bring awareness to our current situation 
    • Notice when we react — what emotions and feelings come up — it might not be what you expect
    • Bring the situation into meditation to gain more clarity around it
    • After we notice that a situation creates a reaction we can journal on it to help bring clarity
Well until next time my friends,

 

Remember …. It’s about loving yourself where you are so that you can get to where you want to go…one step at a time, one change at a time.

 

Gratitude & Hugs

 

Jenn Berkelmans

Jenn Berkelmans

Body Awareness & Wellness Coach

I help women with sensitive souls who struggle with overwhelm & emotional fatigue. I help them to reconnect to their inner wisdom and find the stillness within that will allow them to thrive in this chaotic and loud world while helping them to create their own map to health and wellness.

How Often You Should Meditate To See Results

How Often You Should Meditate To See Results

We all know that meditation has it’s benefits. But a question that I often get asked is how often should I meditation to get results? I go into that and more in this episode. Click play to hear more.

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Key Points

  1. Consistency of practice vs. length of meditation in relation to results
  2. The most important thing is to start where you can.
  3. My experience with keeping a regular meditaiton practice
Well until next time my friends,

 

Remember …. It’s about loving yourself where you are so that you can get to where you want to go…one step at a time, one change at a time.

 

Gratitude & Hugs

 

Jenn Berkelmans

Jenn Berkelmans

Body Awareness & Wellness Coach

I help women with sensitive souls who struggle with overwhelm & emotional fatigue. I help them to reconnect to their inner wisdom and find the stillness within that will allow them to thrive in this chaotic and loud world while helping them to create their own map to health and wellness.

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